No zzzz's for me, among other things

So I'm on a sleeping strike. Not by my own personal choice per say, but it's here regardless. My youngest son is working on cutting his second tooth and he really just thinks that it is easier if Momma is sitting up in the chair, holding him ALL.NIGHT.LONG. while this happens.

Me, I'm a pretty patient person. But I don't know that I'm patient enough to sit up at the computer, night after night just waiting for this magical event to happen. I'm tired. And Kilian isn't one of those super nice, super sweet babies that is content to coo and grin. He likes to try and give me a lobotomy with his super sharp fingernails. Figures if he is suffering in pain and awake too, I should probably be awake and suffering physically too. He doesn't understand that I am suffering physically. I'm *shredding* and THAT hurts.

So because the Mr. is making noises about it being time to start trying for the fifth and final installment in our "little" (lol) family, and I refuse to get pregnant while still carrying around the extra baggage from the last one, I torture myself daily with the evil but oh so effective Julian Micheals 30 Day Shred. I love and hate Julian. She is mean, guilting me into putting every ounce of my non-existent energy into those 20 minutes. "There is no modification for the jumping jack people. If I have 400 pound clients that can do it, you can too". Uggg, do your 400 pounders get more than 2 hours of sleep? My body aches from fatigue alone, lets pile excessive exercise on top of that. However, she is motivating. And the shed is effective. She just hurts me daily.

But I don't want to be one of those women who have kids and their bodies go to hell. I know it isn't realistic, but I hold myself to the standards of Heidi Klum who can pop out a kid and be back on the runway a mere few months later. Yes I know they have personal trainers (Hello?! I have Juliane AND Bob at my disposal 24 hours a day!), personal chefs who whip up whatever their bodies need for fuel. I am the personal chef in this house and we do pretty well. (well, except for the emergency M&M stash. But that is gone. Potty training by chocolate wasn't working anyways) There are fresh fruits and veggies and whole grain with with lean meats. The only thing I don't see happening is the nanny to watch the kiddos while I devote my time to getting fit. And I really wouldn't want that anyways. The kids hanging on my legs and sitting on my chest as I work out is extra resistance.

Sooo, I'm off to finish my artificial energy and to sweat and curse, get one day closer to reaching a weight that makes me feel comfortable enough to start regaining again lol.